I have been always worrying about the progress test one in a week for I think I don’t make great progress in English. I still couldn’t understand very well what locals, tutors or the videos say while my partners can. There are also many words they know but I don’t. What’s more, my spoken English is as bad as before.
I suffered great pressure and felt exhausted though I didn’t do anything at all in fact. I was totally at a loss. I phoned my mother, my brother and my best friends for help but yet it’s useless. They could only comfort me up to a point, not what I really needed, though at the same time even I myself didn’t know what I wanted to hear from them. I was very frustrated.
Eventually, I mentioned this to my roommate. She is a girl full of thought. We talked a lot. She told me not to compare myself with others. Yes, I totally agree with her. It is true that we have different beginning lines at first. Therefore, it’s obviously wiser for me not to compare with them. There are also countless people advising me not to do it but I just couldn’t. I know clearly that it’s a sigh of lack of self-confidence. I admit that I have no confidence and that I don’t want to be confident subconsciously, perhaps because I believe falling behind makes it easier to catch up with others. A strange reason, really!
I also turned to my local seniors for help. They are both Christianities. They taught me how to study bible, which says people needn’t worry about anything for Jesus will solve it for us. I am not Christianity, so of course I don’t believe it. What move me most are not the words on bible but their great care about me. They prayed to God for me, seriously and sincerely. At that moment, I was really shocked. I felt the strong power that their belief gives them. After that they find some exercises for me to practice essays. I am really thankful for them.
I remember what my friend once said to me, “Those who love you won’t care whether you are successful or not only if you are happily living; to those who don’t love you, you needn’t care what they are thinking at all.”
So I finally realize what is meaning of “don’t try too hard”. Just do your best to live to the fullest. Never give yourself too much pressure. No one can be the first forever. Make full use of your time and do meaningful things and good results will come naturally.
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Well,it's enough to try your best, for there won't be any pity in your life. Pushing yourself too much can only lead to stress.
ReplyDeleteI can't agree with you more. Besides, I believe everyone suffers a low self-esteem more or less. So, no need to worry. We are all outstanding:DDD
ReplyDeleteYou have done very well,because you make full use of your time! You should think optimisticailly!
ReplyDeleteSweet job!^^I think you needn't suffer that stress because you are doing quite well!Besides I envy you that you have such close befrienders!I even daren't contact them because I'm afraid I will trouble them.
ReplyDeleteI am firmly convinced that most of us have almost the same feeling as you. But it seems that we just take it easy and not as strssful as you are. So you needn't to worry about the tests, we almost at the same level or may be you are much better than me.
ReplyDeleteWe all go through phases of low confidence. lost of direction time and again though out our lives, from school to work and career, relationships and family. It is natural. What we need to do is recognise what 'lacks' we face and then think through how to overcome them, ONE at a time. You identified spoken English as a major problem. You also know that the only way to learn is to speak it at all times. Are you doing it? Only you can decide for yourself.
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