I find myself more sensitive than before, vulnerable to trivias. I frown a lot. Does he feel I’m boring? Does she dislike me? I pay too much attention to people’s comments and easily get hurt, even though I don’t express the pain. A casual look, a certain word, a slight movement will drive me to think a lot and feel sad. I do know in most of the cases people don’t really mean the bad, but I just cannot help thinking.
Besides, sometimes I can feel my obvious impatience towards others, which I really hate. When someone is talking to me about something boring, I look around to show no interest instead of listening to his or her whole speech like before. When someone disagrees with me, I even don’t have a mood to argue to persuade him or her, which was my favorite challeging oral practise. When someone is doing something funny, I no longer feel it is interesting but only childish.
Also, I’m often angry. When I get offended on others' purpose, I'm angry from hair to toes! But I have to hold and hold and cannot lose my temper, otherwise things will get worse and more people will get hurt. It’s pretty harsh. Should I fight for my dignity, or just swallow the sour? Tada~ The best solution is not to get angry. Doctor Tan said that “No one can make you angry without your permission.” So I wonder why I am so generous to keep passing others’ applications… I am too early to enjoy my menopause, I guess. Lolz.
I don’t know why I am becoming the kind of person I extremely dislike. What happens to me? Is my innocence dying away? Is it an essential period everybody should experience when growing up? ( who comes to tell me not…) Or, does it just result from anonymous stress or uncomfortable weather? Anyway, I hope it will just stay for a while and happily run away to play with the flowing clouds.— —b
What is more confusing but rejoicing, I recover from frustration easily. Maybe I am drowning in the bad mood two seconds before, but I can breathe well soon. A happy hello, a warm smile, or just a ready tissue can sweep off my feet. I’m not immune to these sweet crumbs. You see, I felt quite bad so I started this journal to pour out my emotions and release myself. But actually I keep adding new flesh to it; so, unfortunately, it fats and fats, and finally turns to be a happy ending, which makes my journal so weird. I don’t know whether I should laugh or cry. Oh, I frown again. :P
11:30PM,17 Feb 2010
There does exist a curve of mood. And that happens to everybody. To you, to myself, to everyone else, I'll say, "Cheer up! You're excellent!"
ReplyDeleteIt is normal.I think after a long period's nonstop hard work you should give you someo time to feel sad, in this way you can get all your negative mood dismissed! Then you can go on your work dynamically!
ReplyDeleteIt is always hard to be yourself, we tend to take others' reaction into account. we tend to mind although we pretend not.
ReplyDeleteIntending to entertain everybody only entertains nobody.
By the way, you described taht mood which may occur to everyone so vividly that we are all in your shoes.
I hope you felt better after writing the blog. From my point of view, you are a very optimistic girl. I don't know why you have this feeling. But what i want to say is that believe you are the best. Don't care about others' comments. Just do the things in your own way!
ReplyDelete