Is this growing up?

I had a busy but lonely week again. I couldn’t even remember how many times I felt like so since my enrollment in Chinese University last summer. After the College Entrance Examination, we all seemed to grow up within one night. Because most of our parents don’t have more knowledge about University than we have, it’s impossible for them to determine things for us as they used to do. We have to make our own decisions cautiously for the future. No one else will be responsible for our mistake, no matter it is a big one, small one, important one or insignificant one. More burdens fall on us and we have to bear them personally. The environment forces us to be independent. We have no choice. Actually, it’s not a bad thing.

However, it seems to happen too quickly. We haven’t been prepared enough for it. At least to me, it’s true. To adapt to it, we may become over independent. Every day we study alone. No one would like to debate with others on a certain problem as they often did in senior high schools. No one would be willing to help each other to dictate words or memorize technical terms, which I usually did before and think quite interesting and useful. I feel sad about it and I extremely miss all of them.

I don’t how all of you, who are sitting in front of the screen, think about it. How long is it since you last became angry with your friends for a math or English problem? I yearn for such a friend who has the same interest in discussing but I haven’t found him or her yet. Therefore, I am feeling lonely especially when I am studying alone in the canteen of Eton Hall. I can only turn to myself for help when facing difficulties. Even though sometimes I ask others for help, they seem to be too busy to be patient to explain it to me.

Well, in fact most problems I meet I can work them out myself. I just like the feeling others are caring about and they really want to sacrifice their time to help you. Unfortunately, it is rare. I am not wanting too much. I just say what I think. Everyone has their own difficulties. Also they have choices not to help you. All of them I know. I just feel a little sad.

Is it true that we are becoming more and more cold-hearted? Is it the change that happens in all of us when we are growing from children, teenagers to adults? I think a poem by a Chinese poet, Gu Cheng.
“You are
sometimes looking at me
and sometimes looking at the cloud.
I feel that
you are far away from me when you are looking at me
but quite near when you are looking at the cloud.”

However, I feel everything will be OK in the future. If you are being disturbed by the same thing with me, send you a poem. Hope you can really gain courage.
Forgive me to not to translate it into English for it is a bit too difficult for me and there may be may new words you don’t understand.


《相信未来》—食指
……
当我的紫葡萄化为深秋的露水
当我的鲜花依偎在别人的情怀
我依然固执地用凝霜的枯藤
在凄凉的大地上写下：相信未来

……
我之所以坚定地相信未来
是我相信未来人们的眼睛
她有拨开历史风尘的睫毛
她有看透岁月篇章的瞳孔

不管人们对于我们腐烂的皮肉
那些迷途的惆怅、失败的苦痛
是寄予感动的热泪、深切的同情
还是给以轻蔑的微笑、辛辣的嘲讽

……

朋友，坚定地相信未来吧
相信不屈不挠的努力
相信战胜死亡的年轻
相信未来、热爱生命