When Privacy Meets Intimacy

An interesting episode of Friends left on me great impression; it depicts the interesting collision of the need of personal space and the expression of affection.

America is the kind of countries where people highly value individual space and privacy. One’s body is regarded as holy; it’s kind of a violation if others physically touch it, especially some particular parts such as belly, waist and bottom. So reasonably, when Chandler was slapped on the bottom by his boss, not once, but repeatedly, he was anxious and irritated. Even though he knew the boss was only trying to show his affection and praise, even though other colleagues told him they actually envied him for his privilege, Chandler couldn’t accept this kind of praise as easily. However, when he declined that, he was quite at a loss seeing his boss slapping his colleagues on the bottom but not his. In my opinion, it is very sweet and helpful to build up relationships to give up personal space in some circumstances. Especially in this industrialized world where people are already separated mentally, we can’t afford to separate physically, to a certain extent.

But what extent is a proper one? That is hard to say. Even though technically the criterion should be dependent on differences of cultures, with the development of globalization, there are still some principles we should adopt. I have the experience that my head teacher in junior high school used to get very close when she was talking to me. It was nearly twenty centimeters in between and I was very uncomfortable. When I drew backwards, she moved forwards and kept the distance precisely of twenty centimeters. In that case, personal space is a more important matter to consider. In daily life, between strangers or acquaintances but not friends, there should be enough space in respect for privacy of one another.

Conclusively, sometimes privacy should be put before intimacy, while sometimes the former should give way to the latter. It’s not easy to decide on the degree and the occasion. As for Chandler, he chose to welcome his slap back and was very happy about it. It is also a lesson for the boss: when he wanted to be intimate, he should consider whether his partner is willing or not. So the decision is not only based on our own judgment, but we should also consider others’ freedom.